Please , No...STOP !!

I'm only a child. Does no mean anything ? My innocence was in jeopardy . I just wanted to be a child . I'm tired of playing house. I don't want to be the mother bc it hurts me down there.  I started to become scared of games and toys. Mommy; are you not going to save me? "Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray The Lord my soul to keep; if I should did before I wake, I pray The Lord my soul to take."  Wait.. What is that ? Not again. I don't want to .. Please no . He slide me out of the bed and took me to the room. As tears filled my face; he said we just playing a game. I HATED HIS GAMES; I DIDNT WANT TO PLAY. I had to because he was going to tell mommy if I didn't. So I played the games . I was tired but I played the game. Fear stayed with me everyday . I just wanted it all to be over but I knew it wasn't bc it kept happening . He was the babysitter. For years my innocence was taken for granted. Until I was a ninth grader . Visions stay with me . Certain visions of my past. Questions filled my head. Why me? Can someone help me? Will this be the last time he babysit me? Do I  have to play another game? I couldn't take it. I never actually dealt with it because I didn't know how .. I was a child so how do a child deal with it ? They don't. How do you overcome this or forgive someone for doing such wrong to you or do you even forgive ? It's hard but I continuously ask God for guidance and strength.  When I look back; I'm the winner. All I knew was family. Family was always around or near. What a blessing to come up in a family that prays and is brought up in the word.  Bible study on Wednesday, family bible study on Friday and Sunday service on Sunday. We had problems and issues but it was never to hard for God to fix. Early on I started to gain a relationship with God but I seen things that I knew wasn't Godly but it seem to be an ongoing thing . I started to question God . I grew up in a family where they installed Christianity in me but I had other questions or thoughts. I had to learn him for myself and gain the relationship I needed to preserve my life. I been through an lot but I can honestly say Thank God because I don't look like what I been through . I had a purpose and God had his hand on me. We often question Gods doing when certain situations occur in life instead of looking at the blessing in it. It's so miserable to have a mindset like that because when you centered on yourself; it's never enough.  What good is it to gain the world but lose or forfeit yourself?  In order to find yourself, you must lose yourself.