Dear You

You missed so much of my life. My birthdays.  My dance recitals. My prom. My graduation. I remember literally looking for you after I walked the stage and you was no where to be found. For a long time I didn't understand. You said you was coming and I literally waited. I would sit on the front porch or look out the window . The light turned into dark and you was no where to be found. I didn't get it though. Did something come up that was really important ; every time? Did you want to see us? Was we not worth it? You literally stayed a few minutes from us but we was just not important enough. Wait...when is my birthday? You have no clue do you ? Do you even know how old I am? Did you know for a long time I looked for love in so many guys and accepted things I shouldn't bc I didn't know the difference. I hungered for a relationship with you; even when you disappointed me I kept finding hope but you continued to do what you do best. Now I watch you with your girlfriend and I see you take care of her and her kids. Are you ever going to realize the hurt you caused or own up to the fact that you wasn't a father . Even as I get older it seem to still have a hold on me and I guess because I still haven't got any closure with it. I think about it so much ; I wish I didn't. I pray that whoever God bless me with is nothing compared to you .. I don't hate you but I'm still learning how to forgive you . I love you and I always will because at the end of the day you only did what you knew. But even tho I know it's normal and easy to hate; I choose to love you . Love you through your mistakes and misjudgments. I pray and ask God all the time to help me, that I learn to forgive you and look past your mistakes. I love you Dad and I'm praying for you .