When you done all that you can do ..

 It's kinda funny how life throw curve balls at you or how you just would never see it coming. How do you ever prepare for that, not that it was something huge but it's just the fact that you wasn't ready, you not prepared. I'm one to understand my flaws and my mistakes. The hardest thing is trying to live right and do right in this sinful world. When the things that's not of God is more tangible. Living right seems impossible at times. I'm no evil person or angry person. I just want happiness not just a smile, I'm talking about deeper then that. Where my soul can find rest. Battles after another I face and conquer but some how I still forget how to yet conquer when I'm faced with another. I forget how to get through, what are the resources I need.  But for your grace... I would be lost. It hits harder with me because I know better.  I know right from wrong and what exactly I need to be doing . Some way, some how I get caught in the midst. Get caught in the moment. The moment of satisfaction or what I "think" will make me happy . I'm one to say, I am called and I don't fit in and probably never will. Thats okay.  In order for God to make a way for me, I have to let him in..not part time either. This can not be it, I want wayyyy more. I don't want to miss out on my blessings or be so consumed that I forget and slip out of his will. Forgive me Lord. I'm a sinner who has yet sin again. I'm not ashamed. Never will be... I'm thanking you in advance . 🙏